I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Actions speak louder than pants.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
