??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my liver is dry heaving
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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