how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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