Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
