Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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