those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
