Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
