Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
