Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
