You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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