I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
