Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
