I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
