Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
