i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
