i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
