I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
