i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
