I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
