she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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