Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
