He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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