Buhtt sex?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
