yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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