You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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