The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love having hate sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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