ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You are the jesus of drinking
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
