I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
