I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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