I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
