I'm lost and stupid without you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
