i was born a porn star she said
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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