I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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