i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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