This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
