If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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