Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
