Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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