he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
