ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
