Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's get the cat blown out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
