I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
