Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
