My Higher Power is John Stamos
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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