I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
