too bad you live with your parents still
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
