Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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