dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
