I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
