took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
